Few years back, an unassuming message by the nick of "Mr. Black Russian" happened to pop up and said, “Hey, wanna meet up?” Mr. BR and I met in a chat room that we both are constantly logged in, started “dating online” before having met in person, and by the end of that year, I knew that he is the one.

Nine months went by and after some endless conversations and countless dates and visits we decided to put our relationship to the next level. It’s been three months and a half since I’ve seen him last, and although an end to this madness is in sight, the distance between us is sometimes unbearable.

Meeting and falling in love with Mr. BR has made my years the best of my life, but it’s been bittersweet. Our days together are amazing, but saying goodbye is always difficult. Missing him has led to more tears than all of my past failed relationships combined. There are days when I have a hard time going about my routine because I miss him so much—days when I wonder how it’s fair that our life together is put on hold because I work in another country.

And then, on those nights when I’m lying in bed, having cried every last tear, longing for the comfort of Mr. BR next to me, I can’t help but wish that I didn’t have to go through this—that “the one” also works here and not one hundred thousand miles away. Absence makes the heart ache, not grow fonder… old proverb my ass!

Tonight is especially difficult because it’s our two-year point. A night worthy of celebration for many couples; one that we’d normally spend connected via the internet—but alas, Mr. BR’s connection is awfully-freakin bad, and his cell phone doesnt have a clear signal. It just seems like there are nights when the stars are aligned against us.

I just keep telling myself that it won’t be very much longer.

This morning when I was thinking about this post, I had planned on giving advice for surviving a long distance relationship. Mr. BR and I have made it this far, after all. Despite all of my nay saying, we are happy. The distance is definitely a drag, but we’ve managed. We both have good and bad days when it comes to being apart; today wasn’t a good day for me. I do have some good advice, though. That’ll be coming up next.

Happy Anniversary, Hubby. I love you very much and I wish I was there with you :'(

Does absence make the heart grow fonder for you, or does it make it ache?

What do you miss most about being 5 years old?

The other day, while walking down the street of Manama, I saw a child, about 5 years old, who was just lost in his own world - singing, dancing, being himself, being free, without care or concern about what anyone else thought, or who might be judging him. I mentioned to my friend, “I miss those days. I miss being able to just BE, without care or concern of what someone else thinks.” I also shared that if an adult was walking around doing what that 5 year old was doing, most would consider him mentally unstable. Then I said, “When/where did we lose our ability to play, carefree?”

Any relation, whether short or long distance, need a sound foundation of trust. Nobody can carry on a relation based on doubts, deception and constant fear of breaking each other’s trust. It is very easy for lying and making innocent mistakes which can make you doubt since you are staying separate at different places. Naturally there is a tendency to be independent when you stay alone but you shouldn’t have separate lives even though you live separately.

When your beloved is miles away from you, remember you are not alone and your partner is also going through the same situation. It is not easy going through the lonely days and waiting for endless night. Sometimes, you may feel like running into the arms of your beloved and sometimes feel like you are waiting for nothing.

As I traveled through life, I lived through all or most of this questions many times over, only to have each career thwarted and curtailed for the simple crime of being gay. I started out anew, summoning up resources I had within me, and some I didn’t realize I had, and each time was a new adventure, a new opportunity to learn and experience life afresh and wonderful in its glory, challenges and disappointments.

Eventually I came to realize that the original career path I had chosen would have led to a boring and spirit-numbing life; that would have been true of any single one I embarked upon. Instead, I have had a richer and more varied life, I have accomplished many more things, and I have made a difference whatever I did. None of this has been easy, and often making the changes and adjustments required much courage, but I think I am a better person for having traveled through life in this way.